The innocent longing to come home – what we call the spiritual search – is so often hijacked by an unconscious psychological agenda for comfort and perfection. Along with the desire to end the suffering created by ego’s tenacious story-telling comes a hope that this ending means we no longer have to feel what we don’t like to feel.
You want freedom. From your self. That pesky self that berates you when you get it wrong. Nags you for not being perfect enough. Condemns you for not living up to expectations. Yours or others.
That annoying self that coils into a tight ball of defense when it feels rejected. Lashes out like a scorpion’s tail when it feels attacked. That arrogant self that musters up all its strength to make things go according to its own wishes. And then rails against the world when it doesn’t quite go that way. The self that coerces, cajoles, seduces and begs. And then collapses into a heap of ‘poor me’ when the strategy doesn't work.